Summer of Stargate - Lounge

I have an invitation to a 'long-term condition care planning' appointment where I find out what happens next. I've been in chronic pain for like 30 years and I didn't even know 'long-term condition care' was a thing until now. 

The doctor's report says the arthritis is 'mild' in terms of x-ray severity but as anyone with chronic pain knows, “mild” on paper doesn’t always match what your body feels.

Next steps will probably include:

• Physio, to keep everything moving and reduce pain
• Maybe pain meds or topical treatments
• Watching how things evolve and deciding whether more imaging is needed (like MRI) to get a clearer picture, especially around the hip structure

💬 How I’m Feeling:
Honestly, it's a lot. I'm tired. I'm frustrated and angry. But there's a lot of relief. There's a name for it. There is actually something wrong. It's not been in my head since I was a teenager. Knowing there's a structural reason for what I'm feeling, for the pain I've been in for so long, for how I struggle to move, for my day-to-day experiences for decades. 

And I have a Li who can advocate for me when I can't do it myself. I've spent so many years not being listened to, to being brushed aside - but Li is helping me ask for the support I need, speaking up for me, for being incredibly clear to medical professionals that this is not something we're happy for me to have to just live with any more without further investigation. She's the one who insisted on the x-rays when we saw the doctor last month for the pain and stiffness and got the bursitis diagnosis. 

So now we have the start of some answers an

My most played song last week was “Love Story (Taylor’s Version)” by Taylor Swift, and frankly? The drama was earned.

There’s something about that swelling orchestration, that breathless key change, that full-tilt declaration of "It's a love story, baby just say yes". Apparently, I needed to relive every intense teenage emotion I’ve ever had—on repeat.
42 plays. Zero regrets.

It’s the kind of song that makes you believe in running through the rain for someone. The kind of song that pairs well with being emotionally obliterated by… oh I don’t know… a tennis schedule that shows zero respect for your wellbeing.

Because let’s talk about Tuesday.
Let’s talk about Queen’s and Halle.
Let’s talk about how the tournament schedulers clearly do not care about me personally.

Behold:

13:30 – Ben “Sunshine” Shelton (Queen’s)
14:30 – Jannik Sinner (Halle)
15:00 – Carlos Alcaraz vs Foki (Queen’s)
15:00 – Vavassori/Bolelli doubles (Halle)

That’s four must-watch matches in the span of ninety minutes, across two tournaments.
How am I supposed to choose between Carlos chaos, Jannik precision, Foki flair, Italian doubles magic, and the serve-and-smile energy that is Ben Shelton?

The answer is: I can't.
There will be tabs. There will be streams. There will be suffering.

So this week’s Music Monday theme is tragic love - the love I have for tennis, and the tragic way it betrays me with schedule overlaps that feel like personal slights. Taylor understood. I feel like Juliet on the battlements, except instead of Verona, I’m in front of three screens whispering “baby just say yes” to all of them.

Happy Music Monday. I’ll be horizontal, emotionally shredded, and trying to stream four matches at once.

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[Edit to add:]

I regret to inform you that the scheduling chaos is even worse than previously reported.

Over in Berlin, Sara Errani/Jasmine Paolini are also playing at 13:30, which now overlaps with Ben Shelton. And then at 15:00, Diana Shnaider is playing as well—at the exact same time as Alcaraz v Foki and the Italian doubles team.

So to recap, my updated Tuesday viewing choices include:

• Ben Shelton (Queen’s)
• Sara Errani / Jasmine Paolini (Berlin)
• Jannik Sinner (Halle)
• Carlos Alcaraz v Foki (Queen’s)
• Vavassori / Bolelli (Queen’s)
• Diana Shnaider (Berlin)

I’ve gone from mildly overwhelmed to actively oppressed.
I am but one gay with a playlist and a dream. This is scheduling violence.

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